Sometimes people ask me if I’m a top or bottom, and I hesitate to answer because I feel like if I pick one I’ll be stuck in that role. I don’t favor one over the other, so I say that I’m versatile, but they continue to ask. What should I say?

Good question! I imagine that the reason why they are not accepting your answer is because they are afraid that you will want them to be versatile as well. Assuring them that you are not going to force or coerce them into doing something they are not comfortable doing, will probably alleviate some of their worries.

They may also be concerned that you will want both at some point and if they are just a top or just a bottom, you will leave them. Explain that your relationship is more than just sex and that while you are with them, you will not seek sex elsewhere.

I think it is important here to recognize and state that you and your partners are more than sexual beings and that you have emotions and the need for love and comfort. I think sometimes we get so caught up in sex that we don’t see past it to the more concrete part of relationships, which are our emotional needs.

If you find that you are not being who you really are both sexually and emotionally, you will prevent yourself from having healthy, honest relationships.