Hey Allie, I doubt you remember me but you were really helpful last year when you answered a few of my questions about my straight friend flirting with me. I’m now in college and have come out to my close friend group and am planning on telling my parents soon, despite how it may affect their public lives. Anyhow, I’m writing about dating life. Since I’ve been on campus, I’ve had the occasional hook up, but now I want something more substantial. I’ve tried Grindr and Scruff to meet guys, but most of them are either flakey, only looking for hook-ups, or not age appropriate. I also go to a fairly prestigious school that is about four hours away from a metropolitan area, so a lot of guys tend to be jerks and the dating pool is only so big. Thoughts?
Hi! I do remember you! Congratulations on going to college and it sounds like you are making important steps to your coming out. That is all very exciting!
It is hard to find more substantial relationships when you are not in a metropolitan area. Going on apps can be a good way to meet someone, but as you said, you are likely to find some problematic responses from people online. I probably do not need to tell you that when you are online, it is a good idea to be upfront about what you want “I am not looking for a hook-up…I am seeking someone for a LTR.”
I would also like to suggest that you use your networking skills to meet people. As you come out at school, you can confide in people that you are looking to meet someone. Especially people in the years above you will most likely know where to meet people and they have friends who also will know people.
You can also join clubs/organizations that are LGBT friendly and/or specific. If there aren’t any on your campus, consider starting a social one. I am sure there are people there that are looking fro the same.
It may seem like no one else is looking but trust me, this is the most common complaint of people your age. If so many people are complaining that they cannot meet someone to date, that means that there is a disconnect, which could be as simple as people believing that all others want is a hook-up. It can sometimes be difficult to put yourself out there to say that you want a relationship when all others seem to want is a hook-up. So even if what you really want is a relationship it can feel vulnerable to put that out there.
I hope this helps and congratulations again! I hope you are having a great time!